He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
