My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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