How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
