I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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