Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
and you fell through a lawn chair
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
