Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
