bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
