Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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