remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
