I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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