He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
