you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
