dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
