What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
