No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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