He kissed a someone with a penis
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
