Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
