when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize