i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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