i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
