Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I would ride that face into the sunset
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
