Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Blood and glitter go together right?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
