so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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