im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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