I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
