dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
