nut hugger
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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