so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
