i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
