It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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