If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
