i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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