We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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