Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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