She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
