UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
