found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
