i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
