she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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