the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I could fuck to npr.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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