goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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