She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
hell yes lets make some ravioli
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
