Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
