Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
