Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
