She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
