Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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