Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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