Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
