Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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