And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
NoShamevember. You game?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
