Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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