I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
where are my pants?
in the oven.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
