I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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