I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
