You're so nebulous sometimes
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
