Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
