If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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