I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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