I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
