I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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