I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
