and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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