I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
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