I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
