Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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