i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
