Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Everyone says I win the strip club
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
