Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
