Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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